Down the Rabbit Hole: Have you heard the news? GQ ranked the 40 worst dressed cities in America – and Boston was named #1. The list was developed after analyzing a “deeply scientific poll” read: it’s the opinion of a few writers/editors whose knowledge of Boston comes from such films as The Town, Good Will Hunting and The Departed.
Here, some of GQ’s scathing words:
“Boston is like America’s Bad-Taste Storm Sewer: all the worst fashion ideas from across the country flow there, stagnate, and putrefy. To be fair, it’s hard to be a fashion capital when half of your population is made up of undergraduate hoodie monsters, including those unfortunate coeds who don’t realize that leggings-as-pants were supposed to be paired with tops large enough to conceal their cameltoes. Yet when they graduate, they can wear their Uggs and still fit in at the country’s largest frat party on Lansdowne behind Fenway, where they can take breaks between body shots to admire just how long boot-cut jeans can stay in style in one place. And any classy lady from Beantown is bound to be impressed by formal sportswear. “But Boston is the epicenter of prep style!,” you say? That’s true, but it’s with a little extra that ends up ruining everything: Khakis!—with pleats. Boat shoes!—with socks. Knit ties!—actually, no one in Boston seems to have ever seen one of these. For the more proletarian-minded, there are the modest little burgs of Cambridge and Somerville, where everyone dresses like the proprietor of his or her very own meth lab. If you wonder how a people can live like this, well, it’s Jurassic Park for fashion troglodytes: life finds a way.”
Alrrrrriiight, take it easy. Before I get to defending our wardrobe, can we talk about the “…country’s largest frat party on Lansdowne behind Fenway, where they can take breaks between body shots.” Body shots? What is this MTV Spring Break Cancun 1996? I’ll tell you what happens on Lansdowne – street meat.
Now, I’m not going to pretend or argue that Boston is the best-dressed city. But, in our defense there are a few reasons we might get it wrong sometimes.
1) Four Seasons? – Forget summer, fall, winter and spring, those are just half of our seasons. We have four seasons in-between where getting dressed is a horribly confusing experience. It’s warmish out but the streets are filled with nasty slush and wearing nice pants to work means you will then have nice pants with salt stains, and damp and wrinkled bottoms. How about the Spring windstorm season? Ever wear a flowy skirt and walk around the John Hancock building, impossible.
2) We’re poor – The city is wayyyy overpriced, and easy Manhattanites, we’re not earning those NYC salaries. And, how about that student loan debt? When paying back your 160k education, I’m sure Neiman’s isn’t your weekend destination.
3) Hollywood East - These Boston flicks are confusing everyone. Sure, there are a few rough neighborhoods, but stop it with the stereotypes. Just because Ben Affleck wore a tracksuit in a few flicks doesn’t mean that’s the way it is.
4) Sports Teams – With professional sports teams as good as ours are, chances are a lot of your social activities revolve around going to a game or getting together for one. I mean, come on, you have to support your team.
5) Filene’s Basement – When FB closed their flagship store, they ruined a lot of fashionista’s lunch hours and wardrobes.
6) Smarty Pants – In a town where people are creating innovative technologies and solving the world’s problems during their 9-5, how can fashion be on their mind?
So, hey GQ, just leave us alone, we’re busy, ok?
