Tag Archives: Down the Rabbit Hole

Cuddles and Bubbles with Ben

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Well kids, the hills are alive with the soundsof lovemaking this week on The Bachelor. It’s the creepy Fantasy Suite episode!
Tonight, I was down at Brian’s grandmother’shouse.  After explaining my Bachelor blogsituation, she insisted that we turn the train wreck on immediately.  Her thoughts on Bachelor Ben: “I wouldn’teven want to keep him in a closet, he looks like a moose.” 
Amber, my equally sarcastic sis, guest bloggedNikki’s date for me this evening, here she is with her short recap:
Ben meetsNikki in a lovely field with goats in Switzerland. They enjoy a picnic and then a helicopter swoops in and whisks them tothe top of the Alps. I was just waiting to see Julie Andrews out of the cornerof my eye, spinning in a circle and singing at the top of her lungs, but nodice. All kidding aside, it’s freaking beautiful up there.
They landthe helicopter on the edge of a cliff (literally the edge, it looked like itwas gonna fall to a fiery death). And have yet another picnic – whatever Nikkiis super cute and bubbly and normal and Ben will probably screw it upanyway.  Then they go to a log cabin andNikki gets an invite to spend the night with creepy Ben. Nikki, who nowunderstands she’s going to have to go through with this staying overnightsituation gets really liquored up and jumps in the hot tub professing her lovefor him. So I’m guessing she’s goin home…
Okay, Rhi is back…
If Ben jumped off a bridge would you?
Lindzi, who really needs to get her roots doneand fix a few flyaway hairs, trots towards Ben awaiting her next Bacheloradventure.  The producers must reallyhate this poor girl because she’s in for another death defying drop!  At least she’s allowed to keep most of herclothes on this time. Instead of jumping out of a helicopter, she gets torepel 300 feet down a gorge.  Aren’t wepast the adventure dates yet?  Oh and Benlovers, if you swooned over the beefcake in a cowboy hat, wait til’ you see himin a rock-climbing helmet with a camera mounted to the top of it. 
After Lindzi makes it to solid ground she’sinstructed to disrobe and immediately get in the Swiss hot tub.  After a sensual soak, it’sdinnertime, and Bennie boy is wearing a bow tie to the table.  Once again, the dinner conversation isriveting.  He repeatedly congratulatesLindz on being really “open” and “vulnerable”. Is this all this guy has to talkabout? 
Before he lets her eat anything, Ben immediately handsher an invitation and an antique key and invites her to stay “as a couple” inThe Bachelor fantasy suite.  “As acouple” is ABC’s way of teaching teenage girls watching The Bachelor to onlyaccept keys to fantasy suites if you’re going to be “doing it” as a“couple”. 
Don’t you wish every one-night stand or bedroominvite happened like that?  There youare, overserved and slurring outside a bar with the dude you’ve been sloppilykissing in a corner most of the night, when he hands you an antique key and aninvite to his “fantasy suite.”
While America cringes and hides under their coffeetables, Lindzi announces that she likes where this fantasy suite date it isgoing, Just when you think the camera is going to pan away and we can allimagine Ben and Lindzi making baby colts in the Swiss adventure suite, we get avoyeuristic view of Lindzi and Ben’s lovemaking. 
Hey Cow!
Oh, hello! Courtney and her baby voice are onthe loose in the Swiss Alps.  Ben has planneda “Swiss” date for Courtney that includes a train ride and you guessed it, apicnic!  Meanwhile, somewhere on a horsefarm in Florida Lindzi is throwing things at her television.
After the train ride, while Court & Ben areenjoying their 3rd picnic together of the season, Ben shows off his“garden gnome” jig.  Ben also tells Courtabout this awesome game he and his sister used to play called “Hey Cow”.  To participate in a game of “HEY COW” onemust simply scream “HEY COW” at poor helpless grazing cows and if they turnaround, you win.  Ben’s evil little game kindof reminded me of a game my sister and I used to play called “sock balls”. Thepremise of “sock balls” is simple:  take offyour socks, roll them into balls and throw them as hard as you can at eachother. 
Forgoing their Rooms
So Ben & Court talk about her bad behaviorand then she gets handed the key to the fantasy suite.  They then go back to North Conway’s log cabinAdventure Suite and make out in a barrel. 
Question: Is Ben bored with thesegirls, void of a personality or just plain stupid?   Maybe he’s just a perv that went on The Bachelorto have 3 guaranteed nights in a “fantasy suite” with 3 very hot ladies.

Outcome: Like the spoiler alert I read 3 months agosaid, Lindzi and Courtney get the rose. Looks like Nikki’s back to cleaning teeth.







Sandpaper Chic at the 2012 Oscars

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Kristen Wiig’s mother clearly did not read Color Me Beautiful to her before she went to sleep like my mother did.  The funny lady has worn a different variation of nude to the last 4 awards shows.  As I’ve written before, Jane wouldn’t let a pale pink or off-white shade near me during the 80’s and 90’s.  My “color personality” is a “cool winter” and I should be wearing “subtle” colors like fire engine red, fuchsia and royal purple. Kristen should really have Jane do her color wheel for her. 

I always have very strong feelings about Gwyneth.  She’s one of those celebs that irritates me beyond belief some days, and on other days I kind of love her.  I have a really hard time with her whole cooking show, Goop website & singing activities.  But this Tom Ford ensemble makes me want to freak out from fashion excitement. I honestly think it’s my favorite red carpet dress ever.

Ugh, I don’t care if you’re a size 2 or 22, this dress is awful.  This frock is what fancy women wear while they do their makeup and sit at their vanity before they put on their actual dress.

Who are you? Not sure, but I’m still going to judge your outfit. I keep going back in forth on this look. I love the structured jacket, the belt and the multi-tiered skirt. But, would this look better on someone in Betty White’s age range? It would also make a great mother of the bride gown.

I love Rooney Mara. I loved Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and I love a little edge on the red carpet.  I usually hate bangs, but I’m coveting hers.

A few other observations: The peplum look is blowing up, Angelina & Brad look like wax versions of themselves and Giuliana Rancic killed it.  I was also excited to see Decades owner Cameron Silver sitting with the E gals cuz I met him at a party once.  Sorry, I had to throw that in there.

Downtown Crossing Dreams

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Photo: WBUR

Oh, Downtown Crossing, I’m so sick of you and the boring ideas everyone has to develop you.

Why is everyone pretending they want Downtown Crossing turned into a wannabe Burlington Mall? Whole Foods, Trader Joes & Nordstrom – BLAHHH. Aren’t there enough of these around town already? I’m starting to think avocados should actually cost $3 a piece and that every meal I eat should be served from a salad bar. My life is becoming a mid-level Vegas buffet.

Speaking of Vegas, Downtown Crossing is already the armpit of Boston, why don’t we just settle this Casino debate in Massachusetts already? The downstairs of the vacant Borders looks like it was made for slot machines. Am I right? I’ll tell you one thing I wouldn’t mind doing on my lunch hour – gambling. A chance to escape from my cubicle hell everyday with free drinks and 25-cent slots! Sign me up.


It’s like it was made for slot machines.

Could a packed strip sprinkled with a Hooters, Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., Dave & Busters, a wax museum and an ESPN Sports Zone be any worse than what we’ve been looking at for the past decade?

Or how about going total Coney Island style camp? Imagine a sick Dream Machine arcade glistening under the shadow of a half-assed amusement park. Maybe even rip up the concrete, truck in some sand and throw down a nice little Boardwalk. Washington Street is halfway there, the concrete boulevard is already peppered with street meat and t-shirt stands.


Photo: WiredNY

All we’ll need is to add a few hot dog carts, a roller-skating rink and a bowling alley. Wet Seal, Payless, Tello’s, Foot Locker, Rainbow, the pen store on Bromfield – they can all stay. We’ll just add in a few fancier boutiques a la Frederick’s of Hollywood, Hot Topic and maybe even a Piercing Pagoda. The place would be a mecca of trashy shopping.

The city could even make a few bucks off of Downtown Xings current apocalypse aesthetic. The place already resembles a warzone; it would make a perfect paintball or laser tag course.

But really, can’t we just forget about the Filenes legacy altogether and finish bulldozing the eyesore and plant some freaking grass. Would that be so awful?

Note: Thanks to Dan, Chris, Laura & Amber for your colorful commentary. 

Beating a Dead Horse

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It’s the hometown dates episode!
Lindzi, who traded her Old Navy dress for some spurs, bringsBen home to introduce him to her horse boyfriends, Black Beauty, Seabiscuit& Mr. Ed. Ben says he’s unfamiliar with horses and never imagined them tobe a big part of his life, well buddy, saddle up.
Lindzi talks about her first horse boyfriend and brings Benon a Chariots of Fire type journey around the ranch.  They sit down for a picnic and Ben shows offhis amazing conversation skills.  Hekeeps remarking on how impressed he is that Lindzi was dumped before.  Buddy, we’ve all been effing dumped,hard.  Lindzi says that she feels vulnerableand admits that vulnerable is also a very big word for her. Makes sense, she’s used to words like “horse” “hoof” “mane” and “trot”. 
Just when you thought you’d never see a bigger tool thanBen, we meet Lindzi’s dad Harry.  Hechallenges Ben to a carriage race – I guess that’s their version of a littleone-on-one basketball.  I gotta be honest,Harry seems like that guy in your office you try to avoid at the watercooler. 
Lindzi’s mom says she kept her daughter so busy withcheerleading and horses that Lindz didn’t have much time to date (humans) whileHarry bragged about all of Lindzi’s horse and dog siblings. 
Bible Belt Morals
Kacie B. rounds up her old high school marching band andtries to impress Ben with her baton twirling skills.  He says he loved it, but I have to be honest,it seems like he hated it and thought it was weird.  Kacie gives Ben a quick history of her family,who all sound lovely, and Ben looks like he’s looking for a horse to jump onand ride out of there.  Mid-story he sighsand pulls a bottle of booze out of his pocket. In this moment, Kacie tells Ben that there will definitely not be anopen bar at the meeting with her straight edge parents.  My sister Amber reminded me of an aproposChelsea Handler quote, “There are two types of people I don’t trust: people whodon’t drink & people who collect stickers.” 
Ben tells Kacie’s dad about how The Bachelor has helped himtalk about his feelings.  Well, this goesover like a lead balloon. Kacie B’s dad doesn’t strike me as a guy that talksabout feelings or watches reality television for that matter. In summary: KacieB.’s family basically sabotage the entire show for Kacie by scaring the shizout of Ben during his night at their dry campus. 
Can you imagine the fight that ensued at casa de Kacie assoon as the cameras stopped rolling?
Fort Worth Fiasco
Nikki, the dental hygienist, welcomes Ben to Fort Worth, TX.  She immediately outfits him in a cowboyboots, a belt and a hat.  I just wantedto rip his greasy hair and push it under the hat.  If you happen to be turned on by guys incowboy hats, you should really fast forward through Nikki’s hometown date, Benis going to ruin it for you. 
Nikki’s parents look exactly like Kacie B.’s parents butthey seem way nicer.  They’re so happyfor her and supportive.  Thank god she’snot going to win the show.  We don’t needreality television to ruin this nice little family. 
Scrumpets inScottsdale
Courtney introduces Ben to her fake family that she hiredfor this episode.  She says it’s a big dealfor her to bring a guy home. Makes sense, it’s usually the other way around; guysbring her home every night. 
Court’s dad, who is wearing an argyle sweater in the desertand resembles Bob Barker, tries to talk tough with Ben. While Court’s mom, who’sno stranger to the botox needle seems a little skeptical about Big Ben, butplays nice for the camera.  After theyleave the movie set, Ben & Court recite vows (hers plagiarized from a Sex& The City episode) at some sort of fake wedding ceremony which Courtneyorganized during her time off from her stay at McLean hospital.
Result: Kacie B. is sent home so Ben doesn’t have to feel weird about pressuring her to go past second base next episode.  See you in Europe next week!

You Can Dance If You Want To at Heroes

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Chris Ewen and Terri Niedzwiecki know how to throw a party – and everyone is invited. On Saturday, February 25th, tease your hair, brush up on your Safety Dance and get your friends – gay, straight, young and old onto Chris and Terri’s “Heroes” dance floor. The new wave Saturday night dance party at TT the Bear’s Place is once again up for Best Dance Night in the Boston Phoenix BEST 2012 Readers Poll. VOTE HERE.
“Heroes” is nothing new, if you know anything about the Boston nightclub history, you might even know Chris & Terri. The dynamic duo met decades ago at Ground Zero and then continued working together at a little place called ManRay. Ever heard of it? Well, ManRay was one of the first clubs around to have a little band called Nirvana play on their stage. There, the Heroes formula – a combination of 80s new wave, retro, electro, punk, old school, Goth, and industrial – was invented.
After ManRay closed, “Heroes” hit the road. With Chris dropping beats and Terri pouring drinks, the “Heroes” dance night journeyed through clubs like Toast, Axis and finally landed at TT the Bear’s Place in Central Square.
This week, I sat down with Chris and Terri to find out what “Heroes” is all about. I wanted the real story behind the night that has twenty-something’s holding their Iphones in the air Shazaming songs like they just don’t care, and forty-something’s feeling like twenty years haven’t passed.
DTRH: Can you share your top ten favorite tracks to keep the Heroes dance floor packed?
DJ Chris Ewen: There’s too much great music from that time, so it’s almost impossible to narrow it down to a “Top 10″…these are a few of my favorite floor-fillers!
In no particular order: Joy Division: Love Will Tear Us Apart, New Order – Age Of Consent, Siouxsie & The Banshees – Hong Kong Garden, The Violent Femmes: Add It Up, Billy Idol – Rebel Yell, Dancing With Myself, MADONNA, David Bowie – “Heroes”, Sound + Vision, Rebel Rebel. Also, electro artists like Yelle, M83, Ladytron, Hercules & Love Affair, Robyn & Lady Gaga…I could go on, but will stop here!
DTRH: What does one wear to Heroes?
Chris: One can wear what one wants…there isn’t a dress code. But I personally love it when people dress up to go out to a nightclub, especially “Heroes”. We get people who dress in 80s outfits – geometric prints, big hair, etc., some New Romantic or Punk outfits, some Goth attire…it’s kind of all over the place. The atmosphere is really very warm and accepting, and the crowd is very diverse, so you can wear what you feel comfortable in. Yes, we do have people in jeans and t-shirts too, but do not worry…no one will judge you!
DTRH: What kind of drinks can we expect from an Evil Dark Drink Slinger?



Terri: Secret drinks are Red Death, Vampire, and Grateful Dead. You can sense a theme going on here. And no, I tell no one what is in them. But, I will say vodka… good Polish girl that I am.

DTRH: Heroes has certainly stood the test of time. Though many have tried to mimic the Heroes formula – no one can compete. How did Heroes come about?

Chris: I guess the secret to the success of “Heroes” is that there was never really a formula beyond playing a lot of great 80s music, and exposing people to some artists and songs they may not have heard before, or had forgotten about but remembered they secretly loved! I started “Heroes” at ManRay way before it became trendy to revive the 80s…it was an experiment I pushed to make happen. Back then, it was initially called Chris’ New Wave Party. I mixed some 80s music with indie rock, and some more underground dance music to create an eclectic and different experience from the other gay nights and clubs around town, which were usually all about house, techno, disco and top 40. It caught on, became a regular ManRay Saturday night event, and has, of course, evolved over time, including the name change to “Heroes”, which is an homage to David Bowie’s album of the same name.

DTRH: Can anyone dance up on stage? Some of the Heroes regulars look like extras from a Duran Duran video – how can we compete with that?

Chris: What do you mean, “extras”? They look like they could be the stars a Duran Duran video! Anyone can dance on the stage, of course. “Heroes” is all for everyone casting aside their inhibitions and having fun. And if you want to be noticed, put a little effort into looking fabulous!

In summary: You haven’t truly lived until you’ve spent a Saturday night dancing your pants off at TT the Bear’s Place for “Heroes” new wave dance party. The next “Heroes” is happening on Saturday, February 25th with the MADONNA “Give Me All Your Luvin” CD Single Release Party. So…I’ll see you there?

VOTE for Heroes in the Phoenix Poll!


Best Dance Night: “HEROES”


Best DJ: Chris Ewen


Best Bartender: Teresa Niedzwiecki



Blogging the Bachelor: Human Shark Chum

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I googled “spring break shark attack” to get this awesome image.


Ugh, is it Monday already?
This week, Benny brings the 6babes to Belize!   The 4 lucky gals that make it through the harrowingweek will get to bring Ben home to mom and dad. I can’t even imagine what my mom would say about bachelor Ben and hisfloppy hair.
So who’s left?
The Horse Whisperer, TheBlack Widow, The Darling Divorcee, the Blonde with Bangs, The Smart Pretty One& The Innocent Southern Majorette
Bring your Green Pants
The resident equestrian getsthe first date.  The creepy couple hop ina ‘copter and keep the door open.  Ummm….if being in a helicopter isn’t scary enough, doing it with the door open makesit much easier.  And because this isprime time television, and because Lindzi is deathly afraid of heights, they haveto jump out of it. 
Of course they’re not justjumping anywhere, they’re jumping into Belize’s famed “blue hole,” not to beconfused with the black hole of reality show has-beens that they’ll immediatelybe sucked into after this mess is over.    All I can think of is how bruised her body is going to be if she landswrong.   Obviously, they survive the dateand the show cuts to Lindzi wearing her best dress from Old Navy and glossypink Wet N’ Wild lip-gloss while continuing her date with Ben on the pier.  
For their second dateactivity, they write a message in a bottle. But, instead of a message they decide to write an obnoxious “fairy tale”about a mystical woman who’s in love with a horse but a dopey Prince is tryingto get her attention.  It wasn’t reallyabout that, but I had to fast forward what they were saying, it wasembarrassing.  They then drop the bottle3 inches from the dock for the resort’s hired hands to find in the morning.
Date 2 Emily
Ben & Emily leave theresort and live it up in Belize.  Theyride bikes, join a game of pick-up bball with some locals (scary) and walkaround barefoot, shop and then – there’s always a catch, excuse the pun; shehas to dive for her own food.   Emily isawesome. I’m fairly certain after catching my lobster and holding it up for the cameras, I’dstart choking on my snorkel and have snot all over my face.  But, she looks gorgeous and pretty for thecameras, god I love Emily.  They dancewith the locals, blah, eat their lobsters, blah, talk about feelings blah.Overall, I think it went well for Ms. Emily. 


The Black Widow
Meanwhile, Courtney, who youmay remember from New Zealand’s smash hit reality show Treasure Island Couples at War, is stressed that she hasn’t gotten another one-on-one date.  But, of course, she’s gets the next date.
She does baby talk, and theygo on a hike to some Mayan ruins. He feels bad that it’s “been tough” forCourtney.  It’s sweet that he realizeshow tough skinny-dipping in Vieques & stalking him outside his hotel roomwas for Court.
She tries to outsmart Benwith an ultimatum tactic.  She plays thevictim and says she won’t accept a rose from Ben if he’s seriously consideringEmily, cuz the blond biatch was such a meanie to Courtney! Easy Taylor Swift,no one’s mean to you.  Ben is an idiot, sohe obviously buys it – for now.  But, thered flags go up when Court starts pushing. 
Group Date – Kacie B., Rachel & Nicki
Ben surprises the 3 (un)lucky group date girls at 5 a.m., while they’re still sleeping.   The girls are horrified and have to get readyin 10 minutes – cut to the cameras filming the girls shaving their armpits andbaby making areas. Weird.  Anyway, theyreport for date duty and Ben surprises the girls with a fun filled day of beinghuman shark chum. 
While Kacie B. & Nicki swim with the sharks, Rachel picks her wedge, showsoff her tramp stamp and looks for a good place on the boat to vomit or put abullet in her head.  Ben eventually coaxes Rachel into the water & the girls get mad thatRachel monopolized Ben’s attention. I honestly think he was afraid the girl wasgoing to start hysterically losing it and cause a giant shark attack.
After they survive the almostshark attack, they do the sister wife thing and take turns making out with Benand telling him how much they care about him. He gives Kacie B. the rose and then they all sit around and gossip aboutthe Black Widow. 
Rose Ceremony
No cocktail party, Ben knowswhat he wants! 

Nicki, Lindzi, Courtney and Kacie B. get the rose. Emily and Rachel are headed home – without Ben.  What an idiot.  


Call Your Stylist

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Robyn at the 2012 Grammy Awards
Photo: Getty Images

I’ve thought of wearing my platform workboots and white satin table runner before, but in my defense, I had just left the oral surgeon after having my wisdom teeth taken out.  I’ll have you know – I LOVE Robyn.  You haven’t lived if you haven’t blasted Robyn’s “Dancing On My Own” and danced like you really were on your own. Of course you never are, people are laughing at your weird dance moves and your husband/ boyfriend/significant other just doesn’t get it.   In summary, her blue collar futuristic Swedish Tilda Swinton look just isn’t doing it for me.

   

Gaga, Miranda Lambert, Blake Shelton
Photo: Celebuzz

I’ve heard of meth face, but mesh face? Really Gaga? Maybe it’s a theme, last year she came in an egg, and this year she has hatched into a chicken that is now wrapped up in mesh and for sale in your local grocer’s freezer. And not just any chicken, King Chicken!  That said, I will continue to be your committed Little Monster.

Flex Appeal?

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Photo: Terry Richardson for Equinox



Equinox is at it again. The luxury gym chain, of which I’m a card carrying member, is no stranger to racy advertisements. However, they’ve really raised the bar (err…stripper pole) this resolution season with their rated (R) ad campaign. Some might say its tongue in cheek. I’d personally call it a little more ‘tongue in mouth’. No surprises here, fashion photog Terry Richardson, who counts Lady Gaga as a muse, was the man behind the camera lens.

The ads feature scantily clad gaunt gals with “come hither” looks on their faces. You get the feeling that they’re about to hop onto more than an elliptical.

Now, let me be clear, I’m no prude, but these advertisements actually make me blush a little bit.  I’m sure I’m not alone, the Boston gym is packed with a bunch of Volvo driving, Whole Foods shopping, lululemon wearing squares. I don’t know if the clientele in NYC, Miami and LA consists of off-the-clock Victoria’s Secret models and VIP cocktail waitresses but in Boston, it sure looks like a lot of accountants.

Well, apparently sex sells gym memberships to straight-edged yuppies. Who knew? Let’s work out! Check out all the ads in Refinery 29′s slideshow.

Oh, and, I almost forgot, Happy Valentine’s Day from Equinox!



Photo: Equinox.com



Salsa & Scrapbooking in Panama City

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Is it just me or does thisguy get less and less attractive each week? Am I really cheating on Chuck and Blair with this tool?
Anyway, Ben brings the galsdown to Panama City where they all shack up at the new Trump place. 
Date Card 1 – Kacie B
The two lovebirds hop in ahelicopter and Ben brings Kacie to a private island owned by his vampire motherEsme.
What would you pack for amystery date on a “deserted” island with The Bachelor and a camera crew?  Well, Kacie B. brought a stuffed animal and abag of candy. Is this girl eleven years old heading out for a sleepover? Shemust’ve been really surprised when Ben pulled a machete out of his bag.  Umm…if this wasn’t a pre-taped realitytelevision show I’d think this poor southern belle was stuck on a desertedisland with a madman serial killer.    
Date 2 – Rainforest Group Date
While Ben winds his bananaboat through the river, the girls pretend to be excited. You know they werereally hanging on for dear life, just wondering what kind of creatures lurked inthat muddy rainforest river. 
They “come upon” a tribe inthe rainforest and all get outfitted in clothes that Panamanian rainforesttribe people appearing on Bachelor episodes wear. 
Highlights: Bare-chestedCourtney scares the loin-clothed children, shakes her tatas and talks a lot abouttaking her clothes off.  Meanwhile, therest of the ladies halfheartedly paint tribal tattoos on each other and dancelike the entire country isn’t watching them on national television. 
Back at the cocktail hourportion of the date, Courtney offers to take her clothes off again, Emily makesa joke, Ben laughs, Emily & Courtney exchange words.  But it’s all for nothing, Lindzi the horsewhisperer earns the early rose.   
Date 3 – 2 on 1
Rachel, the blonde with thebangs, is kind of an emotional wreck and she’s definitely not into this salsadancing threesome.  Blakeley is superexcited about this because her and the rest of the “VIP Cocktail waitresses”had a “salsa” routine that they used to do in Atlantic City on Sundays when the“VIP” restaurant she danced at had a prime rib special.  I made that up. She is excited though.
The salsa dance date kind ofreminds me of the thousand dollars Brian and I threw out the window at theArthur Murray Dance Studio to learn how to dance for our wedding.  There were lots of 1-2-3’s that we pretendedto understand but never really did – kind of like Rachel.  Meanwhile, Blakeley danced like Cha-Cha fromGrease.
Clearly, Blakeley brought herscrapbooking supplies with her on the trip and made Benny boy a memorybook.  Ben is scurred of the masterpieceand decides to choose Rachel instead.  Hesends Blakeley back to the trailer park.
Hoodwinked
Finally, the drama we’ve beenwaiting for.  What happens with CaseyS???? Well, I just watched it and I’m not even really sure.  Her and her denim jumpsuit leave with Christhe host and he accuses her of hoodwinking the producers!!!  She rambles a lot, some he said/she saidabout an ex-boyfriend. Chris doesn’t buy her story and makes her repeat her nonsensicalstory to Ben.  Also, we find out that sheis a gross crier because Ben sends her packing, Lame, we all know that she justwanted her 15 minutes of fame. 
Scary…  
I refuse to address whatJamie did at the end of the episode.  Luckily, we never have to see her do anything creepy like that again.
Next bikini stop: Belize

Blogging the Bachelor: Love & Baseball in Puerto Freako

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Emily is gorgeous, uses wordslike vapid, speaks Spanish and is a gosh darn PHd student.  MOVE ON from this disaster.  You’re too smart for this shiz. Oh, and don’tforget – the girl raised her brothers and sisters. Umm…can I marry Emily?
Date with Nicki –
It rained, they got wet, andthey bought new clothes.  Ben envisionshimself in “white threads” and makes it happen. He thinks he has “Latin swagger”. Umm… nope, you have no swagger. No Latin kind, no Sonoma kind, no swagger whatsoever. 
Ben and Nicki muse aboutweddings and marriage and Ben says, “I want a big wedding, whenever that daymight come.”  Umm…I’m not trying to be aknow-it-all but isn’t the point of this show for you to get married? ABCprobably already has the Bachelor wedding on its schedule.  I’m sure Nikki was psyched that all of hermakeup melted off during her date on national television.  I’m also sure she was super happy to sharethe dirty details of her failed marriage during her date. 
Underdog
Blakeley, the show’shairdresser/VIP cocktail waitress, (who highlighted Emily’s hair last week) iskind of my underdog pick at this point. The rest of the cast, like me, has realized her blue-collarresourcefulness.
Baseball Date
The date card says, “Diamondsare a girl’s best friend.”  Again, Emilyis ahead of the curve, by catching on to the baseball metaphor. The othergirl’s probably still think there is some sort of jewelry involved in thisbaseball date. There was some sort of baseball game.    Obviously, Emily is good at baseball andBlakeley and her blue-collar scrappiness made a few hits.  Courtney did baby talk and made sexy eyes atBen. 
Lindzi is the MVP  – she’s “playing on both teams” I’ll leavethat one alone.   Despite the blue team’s grit, themodels/actresses (red team) won the game and their prize is the honor ofhanging out with sweaty Ben at the beach party. 
Blakeley took the loss reallyhard – it was like watching Geena Davis and Lori Petty out there.  The rest of the Rockford Peaches seemed dejectedas well, but poor Blakeley seemed like she was about to get traded to Racine.
“Beach Party”
It was boring.  Courtney didn’t get the rose so she offeredto take her clothes off.  But, Blakeleyis the stripper?
Elyse the Personal Trainer
Banging body, weird eyebrows,big hoop earrings, seems like a nice girl and she’s wayyyyy too hot forBen.  She says “like” a lot and quit herjob for this douche that wears his hair in a center part.  I think Ben was sick of her saying “like” sohe suggested they jump off the top of the boat. She dug her own grave during the dinner date while I cringed and had myfinger on the fast forward button.  Itwas sad, but she could find someone a lot hotter. Am I right? Maybe Blakeley,the jack-of-all-trades will even fix her eyebrows before she leaves.
Ben + Elyse = mismatch
Rulebreakers
Courtney said “nightcap”eight times and broke the “Bachelor” rules by stalking him and waiting outsidehis hotel room door.  After she got him liquoredup, she lured him out to the beach to drop trou and do intimate things in theocean.  Gross. 
…..
No rose for Jennifer, the redheadedstepchild that hiccups when she cries.
Next stop: Panama City,Panama
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